I had an AWESOME weekend, considering the circumstances of course. I started the weekend off with a raise! I had a feeling it was coming but I had been warned not to get my hopes up that it would barely be noticeable. Yeah right! I am a school secretary married to a soldier and a $180 raise is enough to get me jumping for joy. Sorry we are not as financially privileged as some. Then I got an email with a link that said "pics of our soldiers in Maine". I didn't get my hopes up because normally when there are pictures being taken Ariel is always avoiding the camera. and the person who sent it had her husband leave in another group so i didn't think Ariel would be in any pictures. to my surprise he was in 3 of them even one where he is sitting looking straight at the camera and smiling! he never smiles for pictures so i was ecstatic to see these pictures. they were public so i was able to save them to my computer which was an added plus.
But the ultimate highlight of my weekend was a weight lifted off my shoulders, literally! I have a tattoo on my shoulder that i got with Ariel before he left it says 'amor vincit omnia', love conquers all in Latin. This tattoo means the world to me, it makes me who i am, it gives me strength every morning when i look at it in the mirror. Ariel also had the same saying across his chest and in a way it gives me a greater bond to him. But, as much as i love my tattoo i also love and respect my dad and never wanted him to think any less of me, so i never told him about it. but this weekend i talked it over with my mom and we thought it would be better if she told him for me so i would be able to stop hiding. so she did, and he wasn't even mad. he said he had a feeling something was up when the last time i went to visit them i was wearing my hair down (which i don't usually do) and i didn't wear not even one tank top (which is very out of character for me). I am so relieved!
Now to the alphabet portion of my weekend. To anyone who knows even a little bit about me you would know that i have a very ADDICTIVE personality (or am obsessive but for the purpose of this exercise lets go with the first word). So I knew it wouldn't be long before i found a new addiction since i gave up so many of my old ones. mainly the ones that have to do with Ariel (wink, wink). I decided to search through netflix see if i found anything on the xbox that would let me immerse myself completely in. After about 20 minutes of debating whether classic movies or a new tv show were the way to go, i decided to give Nip/Tuck a try. Oh! was that one of the best decisions i have made recently? I am completely addicted! i have watched 20 episodes in 2 days and seriously considered pulling an all nighter to finish season 2. Responsibility got the best of me and i decided to go to bed, after one more episode, of course.
But getting a new addiction isn't all, I have decided to give up one of my old ones as well. I have struggled for years with my intense need for caffeine, mostly i have been a avid follower of the Pepsi Gods. Well technically i ran out of soda and think i would rather save the money than spend it on something that is working against all the working out i am doing. Ugh! I am still not sure about whether i will commit or not to this. Its only 10AM and my head is killing me already. But i will try not to think about it all day. worse comes to worse i found a whole bottle of sour mix and Makers Mark so, maybe a new vice will be the only way to forget the old one.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
AA?
I thought of going to alcoholics anonymous but out of fear that they might convince me to actually stop drinking I changed my mind. I need my whiskey sour or arbor mist in a brown paper bag every now and then. So, I figure I could use some of the methods they teach. Especially the ones that start with A. For today I am ADMITTING and ADJUSTING while wearing ANIMAL PRINT and entering ATTENDANCE. Overkill on the A? Well I thought it was clever.
I work as an attendance secretary and last year I was at a middle school where I kind of knew every one, and had my group of friends. This year as if I didn't have enough change in my life, I transfered over to a high school and had to start over. So I am admitting to myself and y'all that I am very intimidated and scared. I miss everyone back at LORMS. Here I feel like a little fish in a big pond and all these bigger fish are freaking me out. I know my job and I do it well so that doesn't scare me much but getting to know a new staff about 3 times the size of my old staff is a lot, especially when I am so shy and (also admitting) kind of socially awkward. Moving on to adjusting, I met some teachers and started going to their lunch group, I hope I don't make them uncomfortable since I am just a secretary budding in to their all teacher group. I guess after I get to know them I won't feel so awkward. Plus it always motivates me to go back to school when I hang out with teachers. I am also getting used to the building and knowing where everything is.
Sticking to the AA thing I have a sponsor. A teacher at my school who has gone through this deployment thing and knows what the heck I should expect. Hmmmm... being an english teacher maybe she should write "What to Expect, When your Husband is Deployed and Everything Sucks". But for now I think I will just email her when I am relapsing or don't have a clue what to do. Thanks Jenn!
As far as my life at home, I think I have to admit that I haven't yet accepted the fact that ariel is gone. His sneakers are still in the bathroom like if he is going to shower and slip them on, his sandals are on his side of the bed, his shaving cream is on the side of the sink, his shorts are on dresser like if he were to put them on. I leave the security lock open sometimes when I get home just so that if he comes home and I am making dinner he can unlock the door. Then everynight when I check the doors I lock it knowing full well that he is not going to come home any time soon. But I am adjusting, I kind of have a system going I come home let the dog out and watch what ever I want on TV (mostly the office). Then I usually do my aerobics (which is still kicking my ass), drink a lot of water, shower and go to bed to wait for Ariel's phone call. And start over again tomorrow, except wait... tomorrow is saturday, (four letter word) first weekend ALONE.
I work as an attendance secretary and last year I was at a middle school where I kind of knew every one, and had my group of friends. This year as if I didn't have enough change in my life, I transfered over to a high school and had to start over. So I am admitting to myself and y'all that I am very intimidated and scared. I miss everyone back at LORMS. Here I feel like a little fish in a big pond and all these bigger fish are freaking me out. I know my job and I do it well so that doesn't scare me much but getting to know a new staff about 3 times the size of my old staff is a lot, especially when I am so shy and (also admitting) kind of socially awkward. Moving on to adjusting, I met some teachers and started going to their lunch group, I hope I don't make them uncomfortable since I am just a secretary budding in to their all teacher group. I guess after I get to know them I won't feel so awkward. Plus it always motivates me to go back to school when I hang out with teachers. I am also getting used to the building and knowing where everything is.
Sticking to the AA thing I have a sponsor. A teacher at my school who has gone through this deployment thing and knows what the heck I should expect. Hmmmm... being an english teacher maybe she should write "What to Expect, When your Husband is Deployed and Everything Sucks". But for now I think I will just email her when I am relapsing or don't have a clue what to do. Thanks Jenn!
As far as my life at home, I think I have to admit that I haven't yet accepted the fact that ariel is gone. His sneakers are still in the bathroom like if he is going to shower and slip them on, his sandals are on his side of the bed, his shaving cream is on the side of the sink, his shorts are on dresser like if he were to put them on. I leave the security lock open sometimes when I get home just so that if he comes home and I am making dinner he can unlock the door. Then everynight when I check the doors I lock it knowing full well that he is not going to come home any time soon. But I am adjusting, I kind of have a system going I come home let the dog out and watch what ever I want on TV (mostly the office). Then I usually do my aerobics (which is still kicking my ass), drink a lot of water, shower and go to bed to wait for Ariel's phone call. And start over again tomorrow, except wait... tomorrow is saturday, (four letter word) first weekend ALONE.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A is for...
Sorry for leaving y'all on that very exciting cliff hanger from monday but I have been so busy at work that I haven't been able to write (nor cry, which I guess is a great thing).
For the past 2 days I have been thinking of things to do and googled 'verbs that start with a' and got annoy and arrest, does that not sound like kidnapping to you? So new rule for my mission, nothing illegal. I also found ACCESORIZE I know what you are thinking, this is a cop out and I am not doing anything I don't normally do. But trust me as much as I love clothes and shoes I have this insecurity when it comes to accessorizing so normally I stay far far away from that.
Tuesday I went simple and wore silver leaf dangling earrings, black cardigan, and my watch. The earrings are not that big and my hair was down so it wasn't too bad. But on wednesday I got ballsy and wore some ridiculous white flower earrings, that I saw on someone else and thought "holy cow thats really cute" but I spent the whole day feeling like a little girl playing dress up. It may sound stupid but it just doesn't feel like me and as cute as they were on that woman holy crap they were wrong for me. Well, I also wore a head band. which was kind of cute and it was black so it blends into my hair but I came to a big conclusion about head bands, if you wear glasses, headbands suck. The area behind my ear where the head band and glasses overlap became a super nova of a all head aches so by 1030 headband was gone! Today I went back to the silver leaf earrings, a different cardigan, watch and (wait for it) a belt!
On a different note I have still been doing this aerobics thing. let me state something for any other chubkinz out there that want to start working out, DON'T! I have spent the past two days walking like John Wayne and at 23 the whole day yesterday I sounded like my grandmother complaining about my back everytime I moved. But I guess it will be worth it to actually fit into jeans properly.
Ariel brought up a very valid point, blogs suck with out pictures so I will be posting pictures tonight when I get home.
For the past 2 days I have been thinking of things to do and googled 'verbs that start with a' and got annoy and arrest, does that not sound like kidnapping to you? So new rule for my mission, nothing illegal. I also found ACCESORIZE I know what you are thinking, this is a cop out and I am not doing anything I don't normally do. But trust me as much as I love clothes and shoes I have this insecurity when it comes to accessorizing so normally I stay far far away from that.
Tuesday I went simple and wore silver leaf dangling earrings, black cardigan, and my watch. The earrings are not that big and my hair was down so it wasn't too bad. But on wednesday I got ballsy and wore some ridiculous white flower earrings, that I saw on someone else and thought "holy cow thats really cute" but I spent the whole day feeling like a little girl playing dress up. It may sound stupid but it just doesn't feel like me and as cute as they were on that woman holy crap they were wrong for me. Well, I also wore a head band. which was kind of cute and it was black so it blends into my hair but I came to a big conclusion about head bands, if you wear glasses, headbands suck. The area behind my ear where the head band and glasses overlap became a super nova of a all head aches so by 1030 headband was gone! Today I went back to the silver leaf earrings, a different cardigan, watch and (wait for it) a belt!
On a different note I have still been doing this aerobics thing. let me state something for any other chubkinz out there that want to start working out, DON'T! I have spent the past two days walking like John Wayne and at 23 the whole day yesterday I sounded like my grandmother complaining about my back everytime I moved. But I guess it will be worth it to actually fit into jeans properly.
Ariel brought up a very valid point, blogs suck with out pictures so I will be posting pictures tonight when I get home.
my look today.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Week one, Day one, Letter one.
Ugh! nothing else in the world annoys me as much as starting something. I like the middle and end but the begining always makes me a little anxious. so here i go...
Day one! After crying myself to sleep last night, I have decided to man up and quit feeling sorry for myself, tears solve nothing and I already have big eyes so it just make my face look all puffy. Today I start my little adventure in alphabet world and I am going to be doing (drum roll please) AEROBICS!!!
I will start my day with a little Jackie Warner on FitTv. She always makes me feel so motivated plus she really kicks my Ass. I mean how the heck does she know to say "Don't stop now, only three more" or "Keep that chin up" exactly when I am dragging and sagging? I swear it's a little creepy I think she is watching me from somewhere. This should get me all warmed up for the day though.
Later, I am going to go to an Aerobics class. Which always makes me feel a little ridiculous stepping around and being drenched in sweat in front of complete strangers. I always stick to the back corner, usually behind some larger woman, so no one can see me huffing and puffing after two songs. It definitely keeps the embarrassment factor down but, eh, it'll be fun!
Now if only I can think of other A activities?
Day one! After crying myself to sleep last night, I have decided to man up and quit feeling sorry for myself, tears solve nothing and I already have big eyes so it just make my face look all puffy. Today I start my little adventure in alphabet world and I am going to be doing (drum roll please) AEROBICS!!!
I will start my day with a little Jackie Warner on FitTv. She always makes me feel so motivated plus she really kicks my Ass. I mean how the heck does she know to say "Don't stop now, only three more" or "Keep that chin up" exactly when I am dragging and sagging? I swear it's a little creepy I think she is watching me from somewhere. This should get me all warmed up for the day though.
Later, I am going to go to an Aerobics class. Which always makes me feel a little ridiculous stepping around and being drenched in sweat in front of complete strangers. I always stick to the back corner, usually behind some larger woman, so no one can see me huffing and puffing after two songs. It definitely keeps the embarrassment factor down but, eh, it'll be fun!
Now if only I can think of other A activities?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)