I thought of going to alcoholics anonymous but out of fear that they might convince me to actually stop drinking I changed my mind. I need my whiskey sour or arbor mist in a brown paper bag every now and then. So, I figure I could use some of the methods they teach. Especially the ones that start with A. For today I am ADMITTING and ADJUSTING while wearing ANIMAL PRINT and entering ATTENDANCE. Overkill on the A? Well I thought it was clever.
I work as an attendance secretary and last year I was at a middle school where I kind of knew every one, and had my group of friends. This year as if I didn't have enough change in my life, I transfered over to a high school and had to start over. So I am admitting to myself and y'all that I am very intimidated and scared. I miss everyone back at LORMS. Here I feel like a little fish in a big pond and all these bigger fish are freaking me out. I know my job and I do it well so that doesn't scare me much but getting to know a new staff about 3 times the size of my old staff is a lot, especially when I am so shy and (also admitting) kind of socially awkward. Moving on to adjusting, I met some teachers and started going to their lunch group, I hope I don't make them uncomfortable since I am just a secretary budding in to their all teacher group. I guess after I get to know them I won't feel so awkward. Plus it always motivates me to go back to school when I hang out with teachers. I am also getting used to the building and knowing where everything is.
Sticking to the AA thing I have a sponsor. A teacher at my school who has gone through this deployment thing and knows what the heck I should expect. Hmmmm... being an english teacher maybe she should write "What to Expect, When your Husband is Deployed and Everything Sucks". But for now I think I will just email her when I am relapsing or don't have a clue what to do. Thanks Jenn!
As far as my life at home, I think I have to admit that I haven't yet accepted the fact that ariel is gone. His sneakers are still in the bathroom like if he is going to shower and slip them on, his sandals are on his side of the bed, his shaving cream is on the side of the sink, his shorts are on dresser like if he were to put them on. I leave the security lock open sometimes when I get home just so that if he comes home and I am making dinner he can unlock the door. Then everynight when I check the doors I lock it knowing full well that he is not going to come home any time soon. But I am adjusting, I kind of have a system going I come home let the dog out and watch what ever I want on TV (mostly the office). Then I usually do my aerobics (which is still kicking my ass), drink a lot of water, shower and go to bed to wait for Ariel's phone call. And start over again tomorrow, except wait... tomorrow is saturday, (four letter word) first weekend ALONE.
I would like to think I am a DD sponsor - Deployment Distress! I am glad we are helping you feel like you have somebody. I know how rough it is to go through a deployment and to do it in a new job is even worse. I hope I am helpful and I totally understand what you mean about his shoes and not really getting it that he's gone. I figure I have another week before it sinks in, but today is a rough one.
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